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When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.I was so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway.”I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a. Things began to make sense. Everything was falling into place for Garrison. He understood that there were few likely reasons behind all of this. His father was still in the beginnings of his babelling. ‘Dad,’ Garrison interjected. The room went quiet, ‘Yes, Wade?’ ‘Are we joining a cult,’ Garrison asked blankly. Everyone gaffed, and shared hysterics, ‘No Garrison, we’re not joining a cult,’ his father and mother cried out together. ‘Okay then. I was half convinced you were trying to get me to join you in a fertility cult, or even better a fertility cult hiding in plain sight as a religious group,’ Garrison offered up matter-of-factly. Once again and with more enthusiasm, they all cried out laughing. ‘Mother,’ he once again interjected. She eased to composure. ‘Am I babysitting, or marrying this girl,’ Garrison turned to look her in the eyes, asking with a cold expression. Mrs. Walle lost her drink. Grapefruit juice began streaming out her nose, and mouth. Mr. Walle offered a puzzled.
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